All illustrations by Jessica Randklev

All illustrations by Jessica Randklev

What’s wrong with the Island’s youth? You’ve got a lot of nerve, Logger.

I should be asking you the same thing about your up-and-comers. But, I’ll get to that in a second.

Standing guard in front of Safeway has been an Island tradition for generations, er, at least the generations here only long enough to not remember a time before McDonald’s and the rape of the land at the hands of Southern California. Call these kids what you want–truants, delinquents, leeches–they’re all training for one thing: a move to Bremerton. I understand they’d fit in well there. I mean, it doesn’t take a high school education to break one’s leg evading the heat, does it? How much time in physics class must one put in to take off one’s pants in public? How many liquid lunches from a paper bag must one consume until a tunnel is a better idea than a brew pub?

I must ask you, Logger, what the hell is the deal with Bremerton kids and those masks? Twice now I’ve seen kids — I’m only assuming, as their faces have been obscured. But, would a grown man/woman really don a mask in public in March? Sorry, forgot whom I was addressing. — with rather frightening white masks with dark markings around Rob’s Quick Stop near the north end of Callow. How can you explain this behavior, “bro”?

OK, yes, you’ve probably deducted from the previous paragraph that I visit Bremerton on occasion. For a thick-skulled has-been of the forrest, you really do have a talent for observation. You see, during my time in the Navy I developed an affinity for McGavin’s Pink Champagne Cake, and consequently am forced to visit Callow, er “Little Fremont” on occasion. It’s not because I like the Moon Biscuits at the Hi-Lo or anything.