Dear Washington State Ferries: Are You Going to Wipe Bainbridge Island’s Ass, Too?

All illustrations by Jessica Randklev.

No, WSF, that wasn’t a rhetorical question. I’m actually curious to know when you’re going to bend down, and pull off a square of that industrial pulp you pass off as TP and clean some Bainbridge ass.

Back in the day it was your run- of-the-mill, garden variety ass kissing. When Bremerton’s high-speed ferries were disturbing the shores of millionaire Islanders, Bremerton lost the boats. When a ferry on the Bainbridge run goes down, you take a boat from Bremerton and patch up the Bainbridge run, and let the Bremerton riders deal with the consequences.

When you buy a ticket at Seattle’s Coleman Dock you have a choice of going through turnstile A or turnstile B. Through turnstile A you have passengers headed for Bainbridge Island who have the ear and good graces of Washington State ferries, a 30-minute ride aboard the newest boats in the fleet, boats that have NEVER run between Seattle and Bremerton.

The customers who go through turnstile, B, to Bremerton live with the fact that if they want to leave Seattle after 10:30 p.m. they have to wait until almost 1 a.m., they’re used to finding alternate modes of transportation to get to work because one of their boats has gone down. And after a particularly nasty week, recently, at least one Bremerton commuter decided he’d throw in the towel, and would move back to Seattle.

So, I guess it is only natural that when you decided provide live music to one of your routes, you would pick the route with the ass you’re most accustomed to kissing. Live music on the Bainbridge run every Saturday through December? Are you serious?

Let me propose an alternative: Instead of throwing a bone to Nordstrom set catching a joy ride into the city on the weekend, why don’t you set up some live music for the men and women on the 5:30 p.m. boat back to Bremerton on a Friday. Bring a couple of guitars into the cafeteria and you’ll find an exhausted, forcefully patient group of individuals who deserve more than a thank you from the WSF brass for all the missed boats, hard landings, and erratic service you’ve dished out.

Instead, you’re doing more for … Bainbridge? Why?

— The Bremelogger

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Old Man Winslow: Come Back to Bremerton? Nobody Wants to STAY In Bremerton

All illustrations by Jessica Randklev

Dear The Bremelogger: I must congratulate you on your unmatched measure of delusion, but this frivolous “Bring EndFest Back to Bremerton” campaign is about your leanest idea yet.

Nobody wants to go back to Bremerton. The idea is to get the hell out of Bremerton as fast as possible. Notice that everyone with half a brian, a decent chance of  assimilation, or a public case of herpes gets the hell out. The rest of you are a collection of toothless drones content to eek out an existence taking your pants off in public and whining incessantly about how Washington State Ferries doesn’t do you right anymore. Which brings me to your guest “columnist” Steve David Morse.

Morse is an example both of your quintessential West Bremerton whiner and a bloke with the means and the know-how to make it across the water. Why he ever decided to experiment with the Bremerton estabilishment the way the rest of you experiment with off-brand sleeping pills is beyond me.

Sincerely,

Winslow

 

Guest Column: Why I’m Leaving Bremerton

By David Morse

You may see some very angry letters in the paper from fellow commuters.  Mine may be one of them.  When it all comes down to it, what we want and what would benefit the community is “regular and reliable” ferry service.  More frequent boats would be a huge plus ~ but we’ve dealt with that for the past 7 years.  I don’t see things getting better and it’s time to move on.

We’re angry.  We’ve invested lots of time, money and effort into trying to make Bremerton a better place.  We moved to a town which was pretty down-and-out.  Did many of us from Seattle move to the “nicer” but boring parts of Bremerton?  No.  We purchased in the older parts of West Bremerton, the areas with the more interesting houses and sketchy neighborhoods.  When we leave, our homes will become rentals and the downward cycle begins again…

 

Ever Wonder What Happened to Those Passenger-Only Ferries That Used to Run Between Bremerton and Seattle?

That's not to say there isn't much to love about the bucket of rust currently on the route. After all, it warm, comfortable, and rarely full.

They’re treating commuters in San Francisco to the good life. As in, fans can take the old Snohomish — now called the MV Napa — home on special runs after Giants games. Wow.

 

I’m Not Going to Complain About These Passenger-Only Ferries. Well, Not Much.

All illustrations by Jessica Randklev.

Dear Old Man Winslow: I’m not going to get defensive on this one. Sure, you make a few valid points. I mean, it’s no secret that Washington State Ferries wishes Bremerton would just go away. Hell, I’m sure they’d tell you as much if you walked into their office (try the TP while you’re there, it’s such an upgrade from what they serve on their waters).

The irony here is that while your boat is in the shop, and our boat is filling gaps in the system to accommodate your brood, we’re actually experiencing a Bremerton run closer to what it actually should be: one auto ferry and several passenger-only ferries. Yes, these p-o boats are slow (it took me 50 minutes recently to get home recently) but, I’m the first to admit that Bremerton should cash in an auto ferry for three or four passenger-only boats that can make the trip in 30 minutes. If only that were an option.

Until that time, I’m not going to sweat it. And I’m going to count my blessings. Because if having a 30-minute commute means ending my day on Bainbridge, well, I’ll leave that hell for the folks who bought condos in Winslow in 2007.

Sincerely,
The Bremelogger

 

A Brief Look at a Few Things Done and Said About Our Current Ferry Debacle

Via Seattle Times: WSF says, “Customers are very accustomed to major vessel issues, because we have no backup.”

Via Seattle Weekly: Rider says, “What the heck is the point of complaining? We HAVE complained, to no avail. Bremerton still gets the shaft and WSF turns a deaf ear. Now and for the last 25 years!!!!”

Via Kitsap Sun: Reader: “For the Record, I’m Complaining About Ferries”

CURRENT SCHEDULES:

 

Old Man Winslow: WSF Likes Bremerton About as Much as the Rest of Us

All illustrations by Jessica Randklev

Dear The Bremelogger: You take the ferry because there’s nothing for you in Bremerton. Not even the employees of the county’s largest employer — PSNS — will live there. So don’t come crying to me that someone less tubby than yourself out-hustled you to the hot seat out of nowheresville.

But let’s get right down to the point. The boat’s empty, at least by Island standards. It’s empty because there aren’t many of you mental enough to necessitate proper accommodations.

We have pseudo “assigned seating” on Bainbridge Ferries because there are precious few. You on the other hand can throw a rock between you and the closest person and miss. That’s not just because you and your city has no athletic achievement to speak of. It’s because everyone else has figured out that if you don’t get back on the boat, you don’t have to return to Bremerton.

BTW, I just want to point something out. Even when we lose a boat WSF directs people away from Bremerton: “Edmonds/Kingston is strongly encouraged as an alternate route” is on repeat over there. What they’re effectively saying is Bremerton is strongly discouraged. And with good reason.

Washington States Ferries wishes Bremerton didn’t exist. So do the rest of us.

Sincerely,
Old Man Winslow

 

OMG! The Bainbridge Ferry Route is Down to One Boat Right Now

How long will it take for them to steal a boat from Bremerton? Anybody? Follow along here for details.

 

WSF Logic: Kingston’s Down a Boat, Let’s Steal One From Bremerton

All illustrations by Jessica Randklev.

Service has since been restored to “normal.” Below is yesterday’s press release. What’s most interesting to me about this release is WSF’s characterization of the Bremerton run:

“The Seattle/Bremerton route has a high percentage of walk-on riders, especially during the morning and evening commute times, and customers also have many options for transit connections.”

Yes, I guess you could call us more environmentally responsible. We’re old fashioned in the sense that we’ve figured out that it makes more sense to walk to Seattle than to drive. But WSF’s not in the business of moving walkers, it moves cars. It’s a highway, not a transit system. And if that means investing in 10 new aqua-Hummers, so be it.

But back to the topic at hand. Here’s why Kingston got one of Bremerton’s boats:

“The Edmonds/Kingston route has a high volume of vehicle use, and is heavily used by commercial traffic throughout the day and into late evening.”

Wow, you know, the way that they’re talking, you’d almost think that WSF were encouraging people to bring their cars to work. How many other transit agencies are pushing people into their cars the way WSF is? And the route doing the responsible thing — walking, not driving — is in a prime position to weather a storm, so to speak. Sounds like an endorsement for few car ferries and more passenger-only boats to me.

 

Damn It, Winslow, You’re Rubbing Off On Me

All illustrations by Jessica Randklev.

Dear Old Man Winslow: No, I didn’t buy a Prius or anything. It has to do with my drinking habits.

We saw some of the most gorgeous weather of the year last week, and before I boarded a ferry home one evening I decided to pick up a beverage or two for the ride back to Bremerton. Well, my usual bodega was closed, so I hoofed it up to some swanky West Edge deli that I cannot even remember the name of. They had no 22-oz bottles — my preferred vessel for on-board sipping — and their selection was unimpressive at best. Without realizing what I was doing, I found myself at the register with a six pack of Stella Artois. You know, the “Perfection Has Its Price” brand of Hams. It was delicious.
I sipped it as the sun went down over the Olympics. It tasted spectacular until I caught sight of the Bainbridge boat, and I realized what a Bainbridge move it was to spend $11 on a six pack, to drink piss-quality beer because of branding, and to wrap my cargo in a white paper bag. Yes, Winslow, the bag wasn’t even brown, it was Sparkle vanilla white. As I think back on the transaction I realize that it was I who reached for the small white bag, even when the cashier offered me a brown — albeit much larger — bag for concealment. I have a problem, Winslow. I even brought it up with Jarred, my Uptown analyst, who told me:

“That was a monster Bainbridge move. Luckily there are no laws in place that would force you to over compensate by sipping Milwaukee’s Best out of a can with your pinky finger sticking out while walking around downtown Winslow.”

In my defense, I did get the the ferry a few minutes early and ordered a pint of Pabst at the Commuter Comforts bar. But, I believe Jarred’s right. I need to atone for my sins. For even as I write this, I realize that I’ve once again locked lips with Stella. At least I’ve kicked the bag.

The Bremelogger