All illustrations by Jessica Randklev

All illustrations by Jessica Randklev

Dear The Bremelogger: Not that I expect you to know the answer to this. From the look of your “news” blog, it appears that you were completely oblivious to the fact that there was a fire downtown. So you’re probably hearing about this for the first time now. Not that it’s any surprise, you being oblivious to local happenings and all. Nobody’s ever accused your bile to be “comprehensive,” “useful,” “or “informative.”

But I must tell you, Logger, that my heart skipped a beat when I saw that pillow of inevitability rise from your city. Bremerton, I thought, has finally burned itself to the ground.

You were too consumed with your bottle of purple stuff to report on the events, so I was forced to look to the Bremerton Sun for the news that “Bremerton Crews Snuff Stubborn Waterfront Brush Fire.” Why? It is you city’s destiny. And it’s what everybody wants. Your slumlords will get checks from their insurance companies, your political leaders will have a beautiful city, and I will sleep better than I have since you clearcut the Island.

Old Man Winslow