All illustrations by Jessica Randklev

All illustrations by Jessica Randklev

Dear The Bremelogger: I’m sure you’re still sleeping off an Independence Day bender of tater tots and Mike’s Hard Lemonade, so, you’re hearing this for the first time: The Bremerton Underground Transportation Tunnel (BUTT) is finally open for business. I can hardly contain my excitement.

Yes,  occasionally my dementia kicks in at Coleman Dock and 45 minutes after I board the ferry I realize that the boat smells of cat vomit and I’ve still got 15 minutes till I reach shore, and not possibly en route to my own private tree house that is Bainbridge. It is during these senior moments that I’ve prayed for a way out of downtown Bremerton faster. Even if only 3 minutes faster. $54 million for this luxury? Peanuts! Worth every penny! Do you need more? I’m sure I can find some cash for the cause. I know you got the tunnel with funding from the feds. I’m sure that was a hard pitch to make.

I can hear Norm pitchin’ this on the floor of the House: “Hey, Jay, for $54 million I’ll get your people out of downtown Bremerton faster than you can say Bjorn Lomborg.”

Inslee, sounding like a three-pack-a-day man: “Well, heck, Dicks, if I get you $300 mill, can you take us all the way to Kitsap Way?”

The whole country can’t wait to get out of Bremerton fast enough. I love it.

Bremerton’s all about building its downtown, and they built a quick way to get people out of it. Sure, sure, you want to make it a walkable town. And that’s exactly what both those people walking downtown wanted, a safer walk. Those pesky cars shooting off the ferry, what, three times a day were really gummin’ up the works, weren’t they?

Old Man Winslow