2winslowDear The Bremelogger:

As I’ve said before, young man, I find it horribly pretentious that you insist on including “The” in front of your handle. I can’t imagine your mother, bless her soul, ever used the article. But, there is much, Logger, in your character which I find unimaginable.

You are a constant source of amusement and frustration. But, then you enjoy that role, don’t you? You little skamp. What is this I hear about you encouraging your kind to stage a resistance, en masse, by riding The Island’s ferry during a commuter run? Don’t we have an agreement? You keep the Bremerton riff raff off my Island and I’ll ensure that Californians never catch on to your unspeakably undervalued waterfront real estate. Didn’t we vote for in favor of your little passenger-only ferry levy? Wasn’t it YOUR “peeps,” as you call them, who opposed the measure? Though, I must admit it wasn’t hard pitching a measure that would ensure fewer feet passing across The Rock.

But, here you go, encouraging the masses to disrupt the equilibrium. We’ve lived in harmony for these many years. Where is this aggression coming from? And don’t you realize what will happen if 500 angry Bremertonians ride our ferry? We’re talking pandemonium, kid. What if the galley runs out of sushi? What if my Volvo can’t find a parking spot? What if silence is broken in our “quiet room”? I’ve heard told the way your people carry on when you’ve had ale and and an hour to kill.

Please tell me you acted in a fit of Pabst-induced whimsy. And please tell me you’ll stop soiling the name of Pabst drinkers — of which I’ve been since before the blue ribbon — by moving right along to a more appropriate apothecary.